Bullying is a terrible thing to experience though it is almost impossible not to experience. Someone gets hurt and someone feels better about themselves (or worse?). It can tear people apart. You can bully someone without even realising it. And you can get bullied without knowing it.
There isn’t a complete guide to how to deal with bullying. It depends on the situation, the people it involves, the consequences and so on. But if you ask me, there is a way to avoid bullying:
Always be the better person.
This is hard and sounds kind of selfish. But if you think about it, it makes sense. If you always choose the path that won’t hurt anyone, you are automatically a better person compared to the ones who chose to hurt someone.
If you are the person being hurt, you can also be the better person. Try to find peace in yourself. If you are bullied because you stand for a stance, believe in yourself and don’t give up on it. This way you will appear stronger than them and eventually they will give up.
And no matter what, always avoid violence.
The better person wouldn’t hurt someone even if they “deserved” it. Be the better person and tell them to stop if they’re starting a fight.
But violence can also be psychical. Bullying is often referred to as psychical violence. So what would the better person do? Tell people to stop bitching about other people. Here, it is important to know the difference between bitching and criticising.
Bitching is bad talk about a person without a specific reason. Maybe a girl doesn’t like another girl because she always gets the lead in the musicals and then she says bitchy things about her clothing, hair, whatever because of jealousy or anger.
Criticising isn’t always bad. It can be – but not always. If you are in a workgroup for a project and another person from the group has misunderstood the task or done something completely wrong, talking with another group member about it in a good tone isn’t bad. You have to talk about it and change the mistakes in order to pass, so in this case, it isn’t a bad thing. When you tell the group member, who did it the wrong way, about it, it is called constructive criticism. That is absolutely a good thing!
What should you do if your friend gets bullied?
I promise you, it will become a much easier situation when you make it a habit to always think about what the better person would do. In this case, the better person would do it’s best to stop it without hurting anyone. You are no better than the bullies if you defend your friend by saying bad things about the bullies. Saying things like “You are just jealous” is completely okay. But don’t begin with the “You are such a bad person”-speech. That will put you on the same level.
The better person would say as less as possible but still stop it and then be a good friend and talk about it afterwards.
What should you do if you get bullied?
This one is much harder. Depending on your values you will react in a way, I can’t predict. But if you keep in mind that violence is never the answer, you will probably be able to not react violent – even if you want to.
I was bullied in 4th and 5th grade. I was a nerd and read Harry Potter. They called me Hermione Granger and I cried about it. Almost every day after school. I thought it was a bad thing to be compared to a heroine with good grades. Why? Because the majority thought about it as a bad thing. When I look back at it now, it was a compliment.
And I’m glad I was bullied. I got so much stronger and learned so much about myself in that period. I wouldn’t be the at the same place in my life right now if I hadn’t been bullied six years ago. It was, though – but without the rain, the flowers can’t grow.
It is never easy to be the one being bullied. The best thing you can do is to try to prove them wrong while keeping your values at the same time. If that is not an option, you should make it a habit of reminding you of your values. It is easy to change and become the person they want – but is that person the same as the on you want to be? Often it isn’t. You weren’t bullied because you were like them. You were bullied because you had something they didn’t have.
So maybe you already were the better person?
Don’t let your life be centralised about the fact that you get bullied in school. Find a hobby that makes you happy. Find a friend or two with the same hobby. Life doesn’t suck just because the school does.
What should you do if your child gets bullied?
This one is also hard. You should – as a parent – be able to see all the good things about your child. If your child is bullied because of its red hair and freckles, you should tell you child about all of the benefits of having red hair and freckles or how many successful people had red hair and freckles.
Tell your child what values you see in it. Have a shoulder to cry on. Maybe talk to the school about the problem. But most important, let your child know how much you love it. You don’t care if your child is one of the most popular children at the school. You care about how your child feels. So if your child finds happiness in fishing or something – do it. The school isn’t the only place to be social.
You should also try to be the better person. You are a role model and it will be easier for your child to be the better person in difficult situations if it has seen you do it.
Remember! Without the rain, the flowers can’t grow.
Stay happy, stay beautiful
– Ellie xoxo
//POST FROM JULY 2016//