We all know the feeling; everything was planned, you were on track with everything in your life, you finally start to feel like you are in control of your life… and then the misfortune arrives. The one situation you absolutely didn’t want to happen at the given time. You lose track of everything and can’t even see the light by the end of the tunnel. You’re lost. Lost in a swirl of emotions. And that’s alright.
Today I’ll be talking about this feeling of when life goes wrong. Everyone will experience this at some point. Lately, I’ve been feeling it a lot… as in almost weekly breakdowns. So, I’ve learned a thing or two about how to continue living while feeling this way over the past three months.
It strikes you when you don’t want it. Whether you’re religious or not, trusting that it is for the better will probably help you. Trust whatever you believe in – even if you don’t believe in destiny. You weren’t put in this situation if you didn’t need to get the experience. You were put in the given situation because you needed to learn something.
When you’ve accepted that, you can move on to analysing the situation. How do you actually feel? What made you feel this way? How do you react to it? What will help you? Who can help you? How do you plan to move on? How can you prevent this from happening again?
Those questions are quite a handful – I know – and they might make you cry even more and feel even worse because you realise things you didn’t know about yourself. You get to know yourself so much better by simply answering these questions. It will be hard but it also will be worth it.
As you’ll find out now, this is all about acceptance. When you’ve answered the questions you know yourself better. Now it’s time to accept the things you learned about yourself. Even if you don’t like it, you have to accept it in order to move on. You can’t improve yourself as human if you can’t accept how and who you are. So accept it, make a plan to change it if you want, and try to find peace with the plan you’ve made.
If you’re wondering which plan I’m talking about, I’m talking about the ‘prevent this from happening again’-plan. This relates to the question “How can I prevent this from happening again?” Maybe the situation you ended up in wasn’t something you’re in control of, but the way you reacted is what you can work on.
I want to talk about something I learned about on Camp True North (self-development camp in Denmark) called self-protection. I’m not talking about violence or self-defence here, I’m talking about how you protect yourself from the things that make you sad, overwhelmed, stressed and so on. The things that make you not wanting to wake up in the morning and lose control of your life.
In my case self-protection is about what habits I have to make me feel comfortable and in control every day. I write in my bullet journal and regular journal every night so I always know exactly what I did that day, I know what positive things happened to me, I know what I’m grateful for that day, and I express myself through writing about my day or my feelings that day. If I don’t do that for two days in a row, I’m a monster. I can’t command simple tasks and social life and I easily cry. To prevent that from happening, I journal every night.
When I’m grumpy and restless, I dance. Dancing is the only thing that makes me think about something else while I’m being active. I could play badminton, it has the same effect on me, but it’s not really a possibility.
If I could only give you one tip on how to move on when life goes wrong, it would be to make a list of the habits you can create for yourself in order to have as much composure as possible in your everyday life. Composure will help you in tough times if you have enough composure to accept the situation.
And remember that you are never alone. Even though you might feel alone, you are never alone. There will always be someone who’s been in the same situation as you. They figured it out. They found a solution and you’ll find one as well. It won’t come to you by itself, but when you search enough you’ll find it.
So here is a little list of what you can do to move on:
1. Accept that you were put in the situation for a reason.
2. Find the reason by asking yourself questions. How do I actually feel? What made me feel this way? How do I react to it? What will help me? Who can help me? How do I plan to move on? How can I prevent this from happening again?
3. Accept what you found out about yourself. Accept who you were and who you are. Plan who you want to be.
4. Create habits that will give you composure in your everyday life.
You are more than welcome to share your tips in a comment. We are all different individuals and work differently so let’s embrace that.
Thank you for stopping by. I hope I somehow could help you.
Stay happy, stay beautiful
– Ellie xoxo
**I think I might have to make a little disclaimer here. I don’t promise you that you will feel better after doing this. These things have helped me during my darkest times, but we are different and they might not work as well for you. No matter what, there’s only one way to find out. I didn’t make these things up. It’s things I’ve been taught on Camp True North and told by my psychologist. I am not responsible for anything you do after reading this post. You are in control of your life, no matter if you feel like it or not. **
//POST FROM DECEMBER 2016//